love grow out of long friendship?
love someone whose background similar to yours?
you rather suffer yourself than have someone you love suffer?
Is love at
the first sight possible?
real fun lie in getting someone to fall for you rather than becoming seriously
If you were
to survey everyone in your class, you'd discover different answers to the above
questions. For every person who
thinks love grows out of friendship, someone else believes love at first sight
is possible. For each of us who
considers love the most important focus of life, another person views love as a
accept varied tastes in everything from clothes to lifestyles, we seem less
open-minded about diversity in love. Whatever
we have experienced as love is what we consider "real love."
Anything else we discounts as "just infatuation," "a
fling," or " being a doormat."
Yet, it appears people differ in how they love.
there are three primary colors, there are three primary styles of loving.
In addition, just as purple is created by blending the primary colors of
blue and red, secondary love styles are made by blending primary ones.
Secondary styles are as vibrant as primary ones, just as purple is as
lovely as red or blue.
Primary Styles of Love.
The three primary styles of love are eros, storge, and ludus.
Eros is a powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life
suddenly and dramatically. It is an
intense kind of love that may include sexual, spiritual, intellectual, or
emotional attraction. Erotic love
is the most intuitive and spontaneous of all styles, and it is also the fastest
moving. Erotic lovers are likely to
self-disclose early in a relationship, be very sentimental, and fall in love
hard and fast. Although folk wisdom
claims women are more romantic than men, research indicates that men are more
likely than women to be erotic lovers.
(pronounced store-gay) is a comfortable, even-kneeled kind of love based on
friendship. Storgic love tends to
grow gradually and to be peaceful and stable.
In most cases, it grows out of common interests, values, and life goals.
Storgic relationship don't have the great heights of erotic love, but
neither do they have the fiery conflict and anger that erotic people often
experience. Steadiness is storge's
primary style of love is ludus, which
is playful love. Ludics
see love as a game. It's a lighthearted adventure full of challenges,
puzzles, and fun, but love is not to be taken seriously.
For ludics, commitment is poison. Instead,
they like to play the field and enjoy falling in love, but they don't seek
commitment. Many people go through
ludic periods but are not true ludics. After
ending a long-term relationship, it's natural and healthy to avoid serious
involvement for a while. Dating
casually and steering clear of heavy entanglement may be wise and fun.
Ludic loving may also suit people who enjoy romance but aren't ready to
settle down. Research indicates
that more men than women have ludic inclinations when it comes to love.
Secondary Styles of Love.
There are three secondary styles of love: pragma, mania, and agape.
Pragma, as the name suggests,
is pragmatic or practical love. Pragma
blends the conscious strategies of ludus with the stable, secure love of storge.
Pragmatic lovers have clear criteria for partners such as religious
affiliation, career, and family background.
Although many people dismiss pragma as coldly practical and not really
love, this is mistake. Pragmatic
lovers aren't necessarily unfeeling or unloving.
For them, practical
considerations are the foundation of enduring commitments, so thee must be
satisfied before they let themselves fall in love.
Pragmatic considerations also guide arranged marriages in which families
match children for economic and social reasons.
its name from the Greek term theia mania,
which means "madness from the gods".
Manic lovers have the passion of eros, but they play by ludic rules with
results that can be disturbing to them and those they love.
Typically unsure that others really love them, manics may devise tests
and games to evaluate a partner's commitment.
They may also think obsessively about a relationship and be unable to
think about anyone or anything else. In
addition, manic lovers often experience emotional extremes, ranging from
euphoric ecstasy to bottomless despair.
style of love is agape, which is a
blend of storge and eros. The term agape
means we should love others without expectating of personal gain in return. Agapic lovers feel the intense passion of eros and constancy
of storge. Generous and selfless,
agapic lovers will put a loved one's happiness ahead of their own without any
expectation of reciprocity. For
them, loving and giving to another is its own reward. Many people have agapic tendencies in their style of loving.
which style you choose to love, if you love someone, love him or her sincerely
Prepared by: Suzi The Manic